Sexual Fantasy Basics

A sexual fantasy is a mental image or pattern of thought that can create or enhance sexual arousal. These fantasies can be described as taboo, embarrassing, stimulating, or even scary. Read on to discover the basics of sexual fantasies and the normalcy of it all. 


  • Unhappy With Relationship. Having intimate thoughts not involving your partner can be unsettling but common. Questions to consider if concerned by these thoughts may be not who is in the fantasy but what is happening. Are you always in the same place or doing certain moves you never used in real life? There may be an avenue worth exploring with your partner.   

  • No One Else Has Had Your Fantasy. From rough sex, sex in a public place, or group sex, the chances of your fantasy being a “first” is very rare. Many people have had at least one fantasy and with the hundreds of thousands of people, the odds are low your steamy thought is one in a million. 

  • Desire To Act It Out. Just because you thought it, does not always mean you wish to do it. Sometimes a sexual fantasy is just that, a fantasy. For some, the mere thoughts are enough and no urges to replicate or act on them emerge. 

  • Determines True Sexual Identity. It has been reported homosexual fantasies are more arousing than rough and public sex. Being heterosexual and having fantasies about the same sex or vice versa does not clearly spell out your preferred sexual orientation. Human sexuality can be fluid if we allow it to be. There are many ways one can be aroused and satisfied and there is nothing wrong or binding about our thoughts. 


1. BDSM: Can incorporate a blend of bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism with unbalanced roles. All actions are about pleasure and consent

    2. Sensory Play: This involves taking away one or more senses to amplify the sensations in the rest. Use of blindfolds, cuffs and bondage to create desired effects.

    3. Orgy: Involves at least 5 people with the largest reported totaled 500 people. Being the center of attention is the underlying point of this fantasy.

    4. Role-playing: This involves either yourself and or a partner acting as different characters separate from your life. Characters can be everyday people you encounter in real life to alien creatures only you know exist. 

    5. Sex in a public place: Intercourse in places like fitting rooms, restrooms, or parking lots to name a few unusual public locations. 

    6. Rough Sex: Hair pulling and butt spanking are just two of the kinky requests surrounding this rough play.
    7. Pegging: It is common for cis-gendered heterosexual men to have fantasies involving female partner penetrating them anally using a strap on.  


        Some fantasies delve on the deviant side of behavior. Paraphilic disorders are recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors that are distressing or disabling and that involve children or nonconsenting adults, or suffering or humiliation of oneself or the partner with the potential to cause harm. If you are dealing with this please see a Mental Health Professional. 


        You do not have to talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies. It’s alright to save them for your enjoyment. If you are curious to see how your partner may react, talk to them about your fantasies. As long as you both are comfortable and take proper precautions, there is room to try it out!

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